Just thinking

peaceful little girl

playing nicely by herself

singing quietly.

Caught her playing with her Disney princesses at naptime. Just peeked in quietly. She was making up some elaborate scenario and dancing Jasmine around (Cinderella's her favorite but Jasmine comes in a close second) singing. It was so cute!

And my day's been boring as all get out. Scored 401 on Scrabble today, but that's pretty much the highlight for today. It's slow and quiet overall. I like days like today, they make up for the hurried, stressful ones! :)

Eeeek!

Signed Josephine up for school today. Hard to believe she'll be 5 in less than three months. I'm going to cry this time, I think. I love having her around and underfoot and I'll miss that. Makes me want to cry sometimes.

I suppose this is how my mother felt when I went off to school. And while there were times I would rathered have stayed home with her, I had fun at school too. And so will she. She was scared to go before we went, but just being there excited her so much, it was really great to see! She's generally a somewhat shy child, takes time to warm up to anyone so it was a pleasant surprise too. Very pleasant indeed. The child's in bed now, and probably sound asleep already, she was yawning as she read "Bears in the Night". We could read that a thousand times a day, she just loves it, which pleases me, it was my favorite as a small child too. Creepy always entranced me. Seems she's the same. :)

Haiku - Josephine-

Pretty little girl

I love you so very much

for eternity.

New Year, Nothing Else New

Nope, nothing new for me, I still feel the way I've always felt, think the way I've always thought. It's sad, really. I'm still trying though, to change the way I think, the way I feel. Might be I'll succeed but I'm not going to kill myself trying. He'll just have to deal with me, as is. At least I'm trying to be nice. :)

Sick

I'm still sick. Lost the baby, have a nasty cold, can't talk well at all. At least I don't sound like mickey mouse anymore. Josie's having a blast playing "Pinkie Pie's Party" on the DS.

I'm tired of stewing over possibilities and trying to move on. Oh gods, why?!

Lost

In thought tonight. Over him, again. I need to kick him out of my soul.... but how? Any suggestions on getting rid of an old love that haunts you?

Christmas Presents!

Santa's bringing her a non-pink dollhouse, a hundred assorted puzzles, art supplies and stuffed animals, a set of bongos and a tutu! I thought about making one but am rather unsure of myself since I've never made one, so went looking for patterns and stumbled across this site: http://www.itstutucute.com/servlet/StoreFront



I originally found her eBay store but followed the link out to her web store. She's got a promo code for 10% off too! Holiday

Here's a picture of what she's gettting:

(My apologies to Karissa for taking the picture off her site) Only hers will be chocolate brown, antique gold, gold, orange & yellow, wrapped in chocolate ribbon at the waist. They're her favorite colors (my mother would be so proud)! It'll be here in about a week and I will let you all know how I like it (I will check it out before I wrap it, of course) and if I can figure out how to get the pictures from the camera to the computer, I'll post a few too. (I am generally low-level tech savvy but learning).

She's been asking for a tutu forever and with her propensity for dress up and pretend play, I figure it's time to get her one.

Sight

Burning cold, your eyes, they are,
Oh, just burning into me.
Consuming me in passions sweet
'tis a lovely way to die, my dear.
Icy hot, your eyes, they are,
heating me to my core.
Deep waters devouring me
in the liquid heat that is my soul.

Nightly Freedom

Light creeps, illuminating all.
Brightness burns away decision,
wilting resolve and instilling compulsion.
Robotic responses to sunny stimuli.
An unholy, unending cacophony,
making me mad.
Night calls -
I am coming.
Crickets are my chorus,
Moonlight, my medium.
Evening reinforces resolve.
Darkness returns rationale,
reinvigorates reality.
Only at night am I free.

Anyone else?

I have this nightmare that doesn't quite repeat but comes close. I have it for about a week to 10 days, once a year or once every other year. It starts out the same every time but each time I have it, it advances just a little, rather like a serial. It remains the same for the entire run (a week, week and a half, whatever) and then adds a bit more the next cycle. I won't go into what it's actually about but it's not frightening except for the repeat cycle.
It's starting to feel as if it won't finish or worse yet, when it does, I'll die. Scary.

One more sentence

Another day for a repeating sentence or two. I have no idea where my head is at today.

Light heart, submerged.
Indeed, it sinks beneath your eyes,
Why, darling?

A Modern Maiden remembers

A Modern Maiden Remembers

I remember late nights spent with a long-haired knight
with eyes to match his light blue steed.
Summer nights, with the stars bright overhead.
Ah! Magical times, filled with laughter & love.
Well, time has gone by and the long-haired knight has changed.
With short, dark hair, he commands a chestnut stallion these days.
The magic though, is still there,
but it does not reside in the summer nights,
it lives in his beautiful blue eyes.

psychopath

psychopath

the light in the window

is all that i have,

shows me someone's alive.

i never can tell.

it is so quiet,

here,in my world.

their shoes going

"squeak-squeak"softly,

like my head on the wall.

i think sometimes i have

always been here.

alone...or not.

me and the light in the window,

pretty stripes on the walls.

i don't want to be the only one left.

i don't want to be alone.

as long as the light in the window

is on,

i know someone else is alive.

I wrote this in 1983, I was 16, so humor me.

Night

It is night.

We fight back

with electric lights.

Yet It is there

waiting for us to slip up,

forget our blankets,

touch our toes to the floor.

"Make a mistake" It dares us.

It is evil, sinister, unholy.

It lives It's life

with a ravenous hunger that

can only be sated on our souls.

We know it and we are frightened.

So,when it is dark, we hold It back

with electric lights.

And when the lights go out,

we hope our blankets are

enough.

The Little Things...

Music, laughter, flowers, rainbows.
Autumn leaves, bright gold against a postcard blue sky.
Cartoons, the smell of baby powder, Bogart movies.
A clean pad of paper & a new pen.
A brand new pink, rubber eraser.
Newly sharpened pencils.
The smell of brownies, baking.
The sound high heels make on tile.
Fart paper.
The sound of flags, popping & snapping in the wind.
A soft, fuzzy blanket.
A friendly dog.
A cat curled up in your lap.
Real hot cocoa (not the instant stuff) with marshmallows on top!
Walt Disney.
Brand new socks.
Those stretchy clouds in a November sky.
Walking in the fog.
Men with moustaches, cops who apologise, Mechanics. Blue eyes. (Mechanics with moustaches and blue eyes!)
Sexy lingerie, flannel shirts.
Stealing Daddy's red, fuzzy socks & getting away with it.
Sneakers.
Watching a guy play frisbee with his dog.
Ducks & goats.
The sound of children laughing.
Huge family reunions, with lots of food, music & family!
Fluffy, warm towels.
Lots of mayo on a salami sandwich.
Crunchy lettuce.
Buttons I can push.
Hats & mittens.
Coca-Cola with lots of ice.
Anything NOT pink.
Warm cotton candy.
The word Sale!
An old black & white movie on a rainy Saturday afternoon.
The Sunday funnies.
The mixed smell of newspaper ink & cigarette smoke (the Sunday afternoon smell of my childhood!).
A hot air balloon race.
Bubblegum flavoured italian ice. (wait, aren't those...PINK?!?)
The crispness of an Autumn day.
A brand new, sky blue Crayola crayon.

This list is a work in progress, just like my life!

Odds-n-Ends

Babel
Can you understand me?

I Floated toward the sun -

reaching for the Language

found in a Thousand eyes.

Trying desperately to master

the Language in Yours.

Trying to think brightly of Autumn....

Celebrating

The wind sighs in ecstacy,

the trees dance with joy.

The clouds are dressed in moonlight

for this special occasion.

The dying grasses sing the melody,

their sisters, the leaves sing the harmony.

Tonight, the woods are celebrating,

and I am too.

Thinking, dreaming...*sigh*

Lucid
To You

Arched like a bowstring

you make my body sing

under cover of darkness

Glowing like candlelight

moaning with delight

in the middle of the night

Flames licking up my spine

blood flowing like wine

in the darkness that surrounds me

Your body fits like a glove

I think I'm in love

with my dreams in the darkness

Dreaming's such delight

with you in my head every night

while the darkness holds me.